A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall
of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
"Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."
"Where's President Bush's clock ?" asked the man.
"That's in Jesus' office...... He's using it as a ceiling fan"
+ + + +
Hitler dies and goes to heaven.
Jesus greets him at the Pearly Gates and says
“Sorry, but I can't let you in.”
“Why not?” asks Hitler.
“Well”, Jesus replies, “Its all the people you've murdered.
Let’s face it, you haven't exactly been a model human have you?”
“Well no”, Hitler admits, “But if you let me in, I'll give you the
“It's tempting”, says Jesus, “let me go and see what my Dada says”.
Jesus goes to God and relates the story.
God says, “So what do you want to do?”
“Well”, answers Jesus, “I want to let him in. He will give me the
God quickly replies
“You had enough difficulty carrying the wooden one!”