Dame Barbara’s Bedroom. The Crafty Chambermaid peeps out between the curtains of the four-poster:
“I am the Crafty Chambermaid
Gentlemen’s beds remain unmade
Till I’ve been well and truly laid.
“I’ve toyed with young Ben now and then
But fun with Zola is much much droller
He pants and heaves like a steam roller
Though what I find really arouses
Me is a good romp with naughty Trousers
Who sorts me out as safe as houses.…”
She is interrupted by the entrance of Dame Barbara:
“What are you saying, you foul slut?
Just keep that big mouth firmly shut
Or I will whack you in the gut!
We want no naughty dalliance here
Such goings-on will interfere
With our good name. Is that quite clear?”
“T’was but a turn of speech, dear madam
I like these guys but never had ‘em
Except in my ecstatic dreams
Where champagne flows in endless streams.
So dear Dame B pray don’t dismiss me
I swear I shall let no man kiss me.”
“You’d better not, or fear the worst!
Unchastity is roundly cursed
In Anticant’s domain. Now go
And keep those too loose lips well pursed.
‘Tis time you journeyed through the wood –
Your grandpapa is off his food.”
The Crafty Chambermaid curtseys and exits, blowing a raspberry at Dame Barbara’s back as she does so.